Letting go, unlike saying goodbye, is a process that occurs over time.

I’m not a fan of the phrase letting go, especially when it refers to my children. I don’t ever want to let them go, but I suppose in some way I must. Letting go occurs over a span of time, whereas saying goodbye is in the immediate present. Saying goodbye is harder for me. I’m forced to deal with the emotions of the moment right then and there, all the while being unable to delay the inevitable. Letting go, however, takes place little by little as I begin to purge.

My husband and I are back home after a road trip to Colorado. We deposited our youngest daughter Elisabeth, her dog Willow, and her 2006 Subaru Outback to her new home. Just those words, her new home is a bit difficult to swallow. She just completed her master’s degree at UNCW the day before we left for Colorado. We even managed to squeeze in a little celebration down at the beach. It was quite a whirlwind getting her packed up in just a few days while she completed her projects before the semester ended. There was too much stress and pressure to start the packing process earlier. So powering through to the very end was the only way to accomplish the dreaded task. Now we hope an exciting career will commence! This last week back at home has been the initiating of the letting go phase. The goodbye was sad, and if I dwell on it, it would only make matters worse. So, I push those emotions away and think about the exciting new life that’s ahead of her. Then I move on to part one of the letting go process-cleaning. And, if I’m honest with myself, it is one of the positive outcomes of letting go.

The upside of letting go is getting my house back in order, and it didn’t take long to get the ball rolling. After a jubilant greeting from our two dogs, I quickly got in gear and began a thorough cleaning of my house from about 9:00 pm to 1:15 a.m. the night we got home. I had a lot of energy after sitting in the car for a few days. Eight days without sweeping or vacuuming, with 2 dogs and a cat free-ranging, in and out of a doggie door at their whim, creates a dirty house! I can’t say my approach to cleaning, especially with so much pent-up energy, is systematic, but eventually, I get the job done. For instance, if I start a load of laundry, I might take a detour and start cleaning the adjacent bathroom while the water is filling in the machine. I guess the need to conserve time, is the factor that gets me off track.

Elisabeth’s room was pretty much emptied except for furniture. There are very few remnants of her. I suppose, in some way, it wasn’t a long-term room of hers since we moved to North Carolina during her Sophomore year of college. However, grad school allowed two full years post-college to establish her space. It was a true delight and a bonus for me to have her here! Over time her room will be reinvented. It’s a blank slate right now. However, phase one is to clean and reestablish order. For me, cleaning is therapeutic and enhances the process of letting go, even if it is a bit sad.

Cleaning, rearranging, and repurposing leads to order. Once the room has been prepped, then I can have some fun finding a new place for things I saved like curtains and bed-coverings. It’s very satisfying to find something to repurpose, especially if I’ve had it for years and moved it with me from house to house. Our house has a lot of storage space which is both good and bad, but mostly good. Elisabeth's room is in desperate need of repainting, but that will have to wait until the Restoration House is completed. I can’t burden my husband with another project. I certainly am capable of painting, but there is much-needed prep work that has to be done first. Therefore, for now, it is just superficial changes like curtains and bedding. Even those subtle changes can lead to a feeling of accomplishment and help alleviate the sadness of an empty nest.

The other part of letting go is a bit deeper. It’s recognizing that there comes a point in time when our kids need to make their own decisions as to where they want to go, who they want to become, and who they want to be with. Each of those decisions may not perfectly align with what I actually want, but I am learning that is okay too. Just like I am on a journey of learning and growing, they too are in the process of the same. None of us is a completed project. As we live we learn, as we grow we change. The circumstances of life influence each of us. It would be unfair of me to make a judgment of a piece of art that was incomplete. Each of our children is responsible for their life choices and accompanying experiences, at least on some level. I can only hope and pray I have adequately influenced my kids, and the ideals that are important to me will also be important to them.

Our youngest has made a giant leap. The rest of our family has always lived near the east coast, so mountain-living and thousands and thousands of feet above sea level will be a true change! Long before she climbs any mountaintop, she is already more than 5,000 feet higher than where I am right now. I just looked up my sea level-I am a mere 20 feet. Elisabeth is living in a suburb of Denver, the mile-high city. For those who don’t remember how many feet are in a mile, it is 5,280! Quite a difference right there- 20 feet to 5,280 feet! Adjustments and adaptations will occur, but I think she will love her new home base. Fortunately, Colorado is an incredibly beautiful state and she has someone she loves to experience it with.

We were able to explore a few outdoor sites during our stay. The best part about the Denver suburbs is there are so many safe places to walk, hike, and bike. Honestly, there are endless places to walk, hike, and bike- so there are no excuses to get or stay fit. Having access to outdoor activities can really create a positive influence on your health and headspace. Viewing majestic mountains every day can provoke a sense of awe and wonder. I have no doubt there will be endless opportunities to explore nature and natural beauty. Hopefully, the awe and wonder will always keep our mind, heart, and soul aware of God's presence in this world.

Here’s a few pictures from our home state of North Carolina to Elisabeth’s new home state of Colorado.