debrief
I’m finding myself in a debrief mode. I’m not really sure what that means- but I am having a hard time identifying my feelings. One might think I should be decompressing- but I’m actually debriefing.
It's been over a week since my daughter's wedding. Sarah was the most beautiful bride and the day was perfect. It was filled with so much joy and I truly celebrated the occasion with such enthusiasm and wonder.
The days that followed the wedding were highly transitional. During the day, you relived the moments, people shared pictures, you spoke with those who were unable to be at the wedding to give updates, and you rehashed some things you could have done differently. This process of unwinding left me on a bit of a precarious footing.
By night, my dream life was all about a pending event. My dreams left me in a panic about another huge gathering and feeling unprepared. It was as if the wedding was going to continue, at least in some form, again and again, and again.
Leading up to the actual wedding day involves a lot of one’s prefrontal cortex. Your mind is going full speed ahead, hoping you think of every detail (and I’m just the MOB- can you imagine what went through her head). You find yourself making endless notes, checking the weather, thinking of all guests flying in, hoping everyone arrives safely (the airlines are so screwy), and wanting the weekend to take off, not just without a hitch but soaring with flying colors. And, it was all that! I was on Cloud 9, in some ways I still am, but I certainly feel as if I should still be floating on that cloud!
I think as I debrief and get reacquainted with post-wedding life, I’m left feeling a little empty.
The old restoration house has been sold (to my children, no less, to my delight), so I’m not thinking about that project and what has to be done next.
The wedding is now in the past and the memory is certainly beautiful.
What could possibly be missing?
The way I feel reminds me of how I felt when the mimosa trees would bloom in New York.
When I was a school-age kid and August would come along, I had this feeling that something was ending once the Mimosa tree bloomed. The soft fringy petals of the mimosa flower, and the scent that delighted your olfactory nerve- the first of our cranial nerves- interestingly enough- would set the tone for the end of summer, and consequently a return to school. The image of the mimosa tree on my front lawn, a calm-gentle breeze, the daylight that seemed a little hazy, always reminded me of summers-end. I also had this same feeling during my summers spent on my grandparent's farm in Norway.
We usually arrived at the end of June. From the moment our feet hit the farm, we played feverishly outdoors. There was nothing that could stop us- until we got to the middle of August. There were no Mimosa trees in Norway, but the hay was taken in and the barns were being filled to the brim in preparation for shorter, colder days of fall and winter. The atmosphere just felt different. I kind of feel like that now- but it’s only mid-July.
I used to hate when people would say the summer was almost over once we were past the Fourth of July. That always irritated me, there’s so much time left and I’m typically an eternal optimist! It’s almost like summer hasn’t even begun, especially now that I live in the South! So why are these feelings of ending upon me?
I also find myself at a crossroads of decisions. My dad had a serious injury and is recovering from a fall. Will he be well enough to make a trip to Norway in August? Should I go alone if my folks don’t find themselves in a position to go? Part of me has that deep longing to go to Norway, but do I want to do it without sharing the experience with someone else?
I guess this debriefing period is also a transitional time to what is next. I wish I could just rest and marinate in the moment. I suppose I don’t know how to relax and not feel as if I have to do something, but it is kind of hard for me to do that. I don’t like the thought of decompressing. I like the challenge of creating and doing something and I suppose that has escaped me for the moment.
Hmm.
Have you found yourself in a post-event slump?
I’d love to hear what you have experienced in the past.
I know this too, shall pass. It’s a fleeting feeling that will be released, perhaps to the sea, very soon… I’m sure of that!
Maybe that’s where I have to go today- to the ocean and relish in the most beautiful wedding and dream about what possibly could be next!
